This week I have been doing a whole lot of thinking about how my story first began and how far I have come. The first paragraph of my prologue came in August three years ago. I really had no idea what I was doing or who the characters were. I remember tucking those first sentences in my Message Bible before I went to a Beth Moore conference.
Any of you who have ever been involved in her Bible studies- you know that she speaks the truth and she is very bold! I remember thinking that there was NO way that I could put a novel together and that I must be totally crazy! In the morning session she spoke about the impossible and how God was going to use the things that seem too big or too outrageous to show His power. I just kept thinking about that paragraph and wondered if He cared about that at all.
And then.....there was a whole lot of nothing. I kicked around some ideas- but for the most part I had nothing. Then in January- at church one morning I felt in my heart as if I was being called "Warrior Girl". It made sense because my novel is made up of these Women Warriors and that is something I could relate to. Then- the bottom seemed to drop out for me personally. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was having horrible cysts and tons of pain, and my neighbor's husband left her. What a mess! The book really took a backseat then.
In May I had major surgery and it was in June that the book took off! I had so many ideas and spent hours doing research on Celtic things, animals, swords, etc. The storyline was plotted out and I began to work on my characters. As the summer went by- I had more and more manuscript-but something was missing. I was getting all of the parts for the Good Guys...but nothing for the Bad Guys.
Then in church again....I felt as if I was being called "Writer"- which to me was a joke! I was just playing at this- the book was a hobby- a diversion- but not a serious thing. Being known as a writer was serious. It meant that I was doing this for real...with the hopes that one day the novel would get published.
Was I crazy? Maybe. But when I called the Frazier Museum and told them I was writing a novel and needed to do research on their swords....it got me in through the special back entrance and allowed me into the basement where they kept all of their costumes. It also got me into the sword ring where I took video. I also had the chance to work with a two handed sword and learned some sword fighting stances. All because I told them I was a writer.
That was one step closer to putting things together. After the RED concert in Louisville in Feb. I met my unexpected character and decided to leave him in the story. He honestly scared me to death...but he was the one who showed me the "dark side" of my story. I did not feel like a warrior or a writer. What surprised me when I was doing the writing assignment where I put myself in the story- I am always called Writer. Never my first or last name....just Writer.
Fast forward to yesterday....in church our pastor was talking about Gideon and how the Lord called him Mighty Warrior. Really? Here was a guy who was scared to death and was threshing wheat in a wine press so that the enemy would not see him. He said that "God knows who you are, even when you are not sure."
I had to stop for a minute as I was reminded that two years ago I was in the same boat. When I heard the name Warrior Girl it did not seem to fit me yet. And then later on- I really struggled with the title Writer. The funny thing is when our pastor told us to write down two words that describe us I wrote "powerful writer". WHAT? When did that become my truth?
Two things pastor said yesterday:
1-God called Gideon Mighty Warrior because he saw who he would become.
2-God met Gideon in the strength that he had. (God did not wait until Gideon became the Mighty Warrior- he met him at his wimpy stage and worked with what he had.)
Ok- so these past two years I have been working through those truths. And if you know anything about the story of Gideon you know that later on he would be asked to reduce his army of thousands down to 300. Why? So that Gideon would know it was the Lord winning the battle and not Gideon. Pastor Dave then said this...
"We limit God because we pick things that are relatively safe so that if God doesn't come through we can still do it ourselves."
Then Gideon is called to battle in a very unconventional way- but by that time he knows God's voice and follows through with it even though it seems CRAZY! And God comes through for Gideon. Even with torches and clay pots. Even with 300 men against thousands. Even in a man that was scared to death and did not see himself as a warrior. Even then.
I had to stop for a moment and look at that in my own life. I was scared to death about beginning a novel and questioned it a thousand times. I have no idea how it will all come together, but each day, each idea, each paragraph- I am coming closer to the end. Then begins the search for an editor and publisher and all of those "book" things. But for now- I am going to take the mantel of Writer and keep doing what I now do best. And that is to write. I have chosen to do something that is NOT safe....am I scared?
Yes I am.
But I also know that the One who has been calling me Warrior Girl and Writer has got this one. So - like Gideon- I just keep moving forward.
What about you? Is there something that you are scared to death of? Something that you are limiting God in? Are you being called a name that you do not feel you can "fit" into? I encourage you to explore that today and see where it takes you. You will not be disappointed!
I am including the video "Get It Right" by Silverline. Be encouraged Mighty Warrior! (and watch the video to the very end....)
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