If you know me- you know these two things:
1- I am a History geek.
2- I am a mover and a shaker.
I have always been fascinated with history- what happened in the past and how that affects us now. I remember in high school, doing research on World War II-not for a project; but because I wanted to. (geeky- I know.) But I love history.
I came across a song yesterday called "Late Have I Loved You" by Gungor. It spoke to me and I have been listening to it over and over. I had put the song on FaceBook and a friend from high school commented that it was from a prayer by St. Augustine. Being the history buff I am- I looked it up..and St. Augustine lived in the 300's. He didn't come to know God until he was in his 30's and a part of his writings are the song I referenced earlier.
Late have I loved You
Beauty so ancient
So new
Late have I loved You
You were within me, but I was outside You
It was there that I searched for You
You were here with me
But I was not with You
It was there that You found me
You called and You shouted
You broke through my deafness
You flashed and you shone
Dispelled all my blindness
You breathed Your fragrance on me
I drew in Your breath
And I keep on breathing
I’ve tasted I’ve seen
And now I want more
You breathed Your fragrance on me
Late have I loved You
The one piece of the song that spoke to me (maybe shouted??) was " I drew in Your breath- and I keep on breathing..."
I thought about some of the songs that have been speaking to me personally that are on my novel playlist and eight of them talk about breathing. Why is that such a big deal? My number two thing in my intro today is that I am a mover and shaker...I am a list maker, a doer, a gal that gets things done. Someone once told me that if I went after something like a pit bull...I wouldn't let go until I got what I wanted.
On some level- that is a compliment- and on another it's a huge stumbling block. There are so many times that I think I can get things done all by myself...and I try again and again in my own power to do things that I need God's help but I don't ask for it.
"And this is how it feels when I ignore the words You spoke to me.
And this where I lose myself when I keep running away from You
And this is who I am when I don't know myself anymore...this is what I choose when it's all left up to me...
Breathe Your life into me-I can't feel You....I'm falling- falling faster.
Breathe Your life into me- I still need You- I'm falling...falling....breathe into me." ~RED "Breathe Into Me"
This was the first RED song I ever downloaded and it is still my all time favorite because it is so true for me. If I go and do things in my own power- I know that sooner or later I will lose myself. Somewhere along the way I will give up, or sell out, or go crazy. If I am not breathing in His Spirit...I'm going to get it all wrong.
How do I know that?
Experience.
RED's song goes on to talk about "This is how it looks when I am standing on the edge...this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground...." I cannot count the times I have stood on the edge of something and end up shattering into pieces because I tried to do something my own way and in my own power.
There is a song by Thousand Foot Krutch called "Breathe You In"
"I've tried so hard to not walk away and when things don't go my way-
I still carry on and on just the same.
I've always been strong- I can't make this happen cuz I need to breathe- I need to breathe You in.
Fear of becoming- I'm so tired of running- I want to breathe You in- I want to breathe You in.
I'm going in-so cover me-Your compass will help me turn the page...."
Ok-here is the hard part for me. I don't like to stop and just breathe. I like to be going and doing and accomplishing things....marking them off my list...but I don't like to sit around.
When I get all worked up from constantly being on the go...my husband will tell me to "just breathe." Usually I don't like it at the time- but I know when I hear it that I have gotten too involved in whatever it is and have not taken time to "chill".
Another Thousand Foot Krutch song Learn to Breathe- says "Take the time to learn to breathe.."
Learn to breathe? Me? I thought breathing was something I do without even thinking about....
But those deep breaths?
The time to breathe in and out and refocus myself?
The breaths that I need from a higher power so that I can do what I was created to do?
Those are different.
That kind of breathing is the kind that St. Augustine was talking about- 1700 years ago.
That's the kind of breathing that is going to keep me strong.
Those breaths are going to fill me when I don't think I can keep going.
Those breaths are going to transform me from what I am now into what He knows I can be.
All I have to do?
Just breathe.
*****************
Songs on my "Breathing Playlist"
"Breathe"- Ben Cantelon
"Late Have I Loved You" - Gungor
"Breathe"- Superchick
"Breathe Into Me" RED (remix also)
"Breathe You In" Thousand Foot Krutch
"Breathe" Amberlin
"Breathless" Better Than Ezra
'Learn to Breathe" Thousand Foot Krutch
2 videos----Late Have I Loved You and Breathe You In
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