Dangerous Questions

Monday I had gotten word that one of my students from last year lost his dad.  At 32, he had a massive heart attack, wrecked the car he was in and it went up in flames.  When I heard the news I thought it had to be a joke.  It had to be.

But with just a few keystrokes I was looking at an obituary that confirmed what I had been told. 

Later, I had many more phone calls telling me of the sad news.  After trying to reach the student (I'll call him John- not his real name) I was able to find a phone number where he could be reached.  "Mrs. P?  I have to tell you something, my dad is dead."  I told him I knew that and prayed that somehow I would have the words to comfort him.  He told me that he wanted me to be at the funeral the next day and I said that I was already planning on it.  We hung up and I went to bed with my head full of questions.

Why did John's dad have to die?

Why did this have to happen?

Why is John an orphan?

Yes- John is now an orphan.  His mother died a few years ago and he lives with his grandmother, who is wonderful lady and is doing a great job of taking care of John.  But at 13, John no longer has either of his parents. 

God is not a stranger to my hard questions and He was barraged with them Monday night and Tuesday morning.  Notice that all of my questions begin with the word 'why'.  I am always wanting to know why something happens or why someone does something.  Maybe it's the writer in me that wants to take a situation and resolve it.  I want answers. 

I didn't know exactly what I was going to say to John Tuesday morning, so I got up early and decided to write him a note.  Those of you that know me will not be surprised in the least to learn that my note turned into a 3 page letter- front and back.  The words came pouring out of me and I went with it.  I'm a writer- it's what I do. 

One of the things that I told him was that God was bigger than all of our questions.  That He can handle the whys, and the anger and the hurt.  That rather than seeking out other things, seek Him. 

How do I know that?  Beacuse I have asked the dangerous questions.  The ones that might seem irreverent.  The ones that some people wouldn't ask God becasue they think He might not like to hear them.  I have screamed at God and demanded to know why.  I have cried out to Him when there were no words I could say. 

RED has a song called "Let it Burn" that asks some of the same dangerous questions that I have asked. 

"Where were you when our hearts were bleeding?"
"How long will you hide your face?"
"Is your world just a broken promise?"
"Is your love just a drop of rain?"
"Are you still there?"
"Will you just let it all burn down?"

I believe that God loves it when we come to Him with the whys and the hows and the screams.  He can take the dangerous questions. 

Psalm 46:1-2 (Message) "God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.  We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake.  Before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains."

My take on this is that if we are going to God with questions- we are still going to God. He is our safe place.  I figure the God of the universe can handle my questions.  Then no matter what happens, He gives us His strength to stand on the cliff of doom and be courageous in an earthquake. 

I give God my questions and He gives me His Peace. 

Gotta love that trade-off! 

I had His Peace as I walked into that funeral home where John was sitting and waiting for the funeral to start.  He gave me Peace as I was able to pray with John and hug him and give him a small gift.  He was there through the service and afterwards.  I know He was there when John watched the casket being lowered into the ground and I know He is going to give His Peace to John in the days and weeks to come. 

And when John asks the dangerous questions- God will be there.  Patient. Loving. Understanding.

I told John in my letter that God is the Father to the Fatherless, because I lost my own father.  Becasue I have asked the hard questions.  Because I know the truth in that.  And John knows that because he heard me talk about it a thousand times last year in class.  He knows. 

My prayer for John and for anyone else who has a thousand "whys" is that you bring them to God.  Even if they are screamed, or cried or whispered.  Know that the God that created everything will hear your desperate whys.  And in exchange for your questions, He will give you His Peace. 

"Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times."  Psalm 91:15 (Message)

Here is a video of RED's "Let It Burn".  May it inspire you to ask the dangerous questions....