My son, Ian, broke his left arm last Thursday night on our swingset. It's the first broken anything either of my kids have had. Honestly, those of you who know my son- it's a miracle that he didn't break a bone before now. In his six years of life he has had many near misses so I knew that sooner or later he would break something.
I could tell by his scream that something was wrong. He usually doesn't cry for a long time and this scream sounded different. After we got him in the house and looked at the arm, we knew that the big lump that was near his wrist was not supposed to be there. I had some of my friends that had come over for a Girls Night Out and they all had suggestions for what we should do.
I knew what I had to do. My son was hurt and he needed help. I grabbed my keys and purse and Ian's blankie and his stuffed dog Bandit. Rich brought a few other things and carried Ian to the van. We drove 20 miles to the ER with Ian crying the whole way. I tried not to speed, but I think I might have gone a mile or two over the limit. My son was in pain and I wanted him to find relief.
Once we got to the ER, time seemed to stand still. Other than one or two people, no one was going back. We were all in the waiting room. I knew the doctors were behind the heavy double doors- but we had to wait.
Ian did his best to be brave. He asked "How much longer?" every few minutes and when the pain was bad he cried. The first hour was bearable. The next two were hell. Ian cried and cried and both Rich and I did what we could to help him, but we weren't doctors. We told him that he would feel better once he saw a doctor.
There was a moment when Ian looked at me with his big brown puppy-dog eyes and said, "It hurts Mommy! Please take it away."
That's a killer. In that moment I knew what it was to want to take your child's pain away. I would've changed places with him in a heartbeat if I could. But it was his arm that was broken, not mine.
Not that I didn't try to help. Both Rich and I talked to the RN at the desk and kept asking how much longer it would be. Three hours is a long time for an adult to wait- to a kid it would seem like days. Finally they called his name and in the next hour we found out his radius was broken and he would have to have a cast when the swelling went down.
Again- I wanted to take my son's place. I didn't want him to have to go through the pain and discomfort.
I wonder if that's how God feels when he sees us in pain and we have to wait?
He has us in a place where we can get healed- but it takes time.
I wonder what He sees in our faces when we go through "broken arm" moments. Those moments where we try not to cry, but wonder "How much longer?" Those trials that we think we can't hang on one more moment...
As we were heading for the van, Ian said, "I was really brave, wasn't I?" Rich and I told him he was VERY brave. Ian smiled and said, "I got through that hurting time cuz God and you guys helped me." and he gave me a thumbs up.
It was then that I realized that my son had learned a lesson that he wouldn't have learned otherwise.....
I have more musings on broken arms- but I will save that for tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Man Soap
Ok- so most of the time my posts are informational or emotional or whatever. But today I must discuss a topic of utmost importance......man soap.
Yes- you read that correctly- man soap.
My son, Ian, is six and got a cast put on his broken arm today. He was very brave and did a great job of staying still while the doctor put the blue waterproof cast on his arm. On the way home, his sister wanted to stop at the mall so she could go to Bath and Bodyworks so she could get some shower gel and lip gloss.
Ian was NOT impressed. At all. He wandered around after me like a grouchy puppy, telling me how much he did not want to be in a girl store. Until he saw the man soap.
He ran over to the display and yelled, "I FOUND THE MAN SOAP!" I had no idea what he was screaming about until he pointed at the brown bottle that said "Twilight Woods- For Men". He jumped up and down, "Look Mommy! It's the vampire man soap that Daddy uses!"
I tried not to laugh as I explained that it was soap for men- Daddy did use the Twilight soap but it was not vampire soap. He said he wanted to smell some of the other man soaps so he did and he loved the Ocean scent. He proceeded to tell me that he had been so brave getting his cast on and could I please buy him some Man Soap because he had been strong like a man?
I looked into those big brown eyes- and I lost it! I began to laugh until my sides hurt. I honestly tried not to- but it was so funny to me! Ian laughed too, but asked again if he could have some man soap.
It just so happens that the man soap was $3 a bottle- so Ian got two Ocean man soaps.
He was so proud as he put his soap on the counter. "This is my MAN SOAP!" He told the clerk.
She asked him why he called it that. "Because my Daddy uses it so he can smell like a man!"
Of course he had to have his own bag for his man soap, which he carried out through the store and into the mall. He went on and on about his man soap and when I made a quick call to a friend on my cell phone he reminded me to tell her about his blue man soap.
He told everyone at Steak and Shake about his man soap. And his best friend Liam.
Now Liam wants man soap but because he has skin issues- he can't use it.
When Rich came home from work, Ian told him all about the man soap.
Rich laughed, but I think it's one of those things where you had to be there to really appreciate the hilarity of it all.
Guess who used his Ocean scented man soap in his bath tonight?
Come on...I'll bet you'll never guess......
Yes- you read that correctly- man soap.
My son, Ian, is six and got a cast put on his broken arm today. He was very brave and did a great job of staying still while the doctor put the blue waterproof cast on his arm. On the way home, his sister wanted to stop at the mall so she could go to Bath and Bodyworks so she could get some shower gel and lip gloss.
Ian was NOT impressed. At all. He wandered around after me like a grouchy puppy, telling me how much he did not want to be in a girl store. Until he saw the man soap.
He ran over to the display and yelled, "I FOUND THE MAN SOAP!" I had no idea what he was screaming about until he pointed at the brown bottle that said "Twilight Woods- For Men". He jumped up and down, "Look Mommy! It's the vampire man soap that Daddy uses!"
I tried not to laugh as I explained that it was soap for men- Daddy did use the Twilight soap but it was not vampire soap. He said he wanted to smell some of the other man soaps so he did and he loved the Ocean scent. He proceeded to tell me that he had been so brave getting his cast on and could I please buy him some Man Soap because he had been strong like a man?
I looked into those big brown eyes- and I lost it! I began to laugh until my sides hurt. I honestly tried not to- but it was so funny to me! Ian laughed too, but asked again if he could have some man soap.
It just so happens that the man soap was $3 a bottle- so Ian got two Ocean man soaps.
He was so proud as he put his soap on the counter. "This is my MAN SOAP!" He told the clerk.
She asked him why he called it that. "Because my Daddy uses it so he can smell like a man!"
Of course he had to have his own bag for his man soap, which he carried out through the store and into the mall. He went on and on about his man soap and when I made a quick call to a friend on my cell phone he reminded me to tell her about his blue man soap.
He told everyone at Steak and Shake about his man soap. And his best friend Liam.
Now Liam wants man soap but because he has skin issues- he can't use it.
When Rich came home from work, Ian told him all about the man soap.
Rich laughed, but I think it's one of those things where you had to be there to really appreciate the hilarity of it all.
Guess who used his Ocean scented man soap in his bath tonight?
Come on...I'll bet you'll never guess......
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Dangerous Questions
Monday I had gotten word that one of my students from last year lost his dad. At 32, he had a massive heart attack, wrecked the car he was in and it went up in flames. When I heard the news I thought it had to be a joke. It had to be.
But with just a few keystrokes I was looking at an obituary that confirmed what I had been told.
Later, I had many more phone calls telling me of the sad news. After trying to reach the student (I'll call him John- not his real name) I was able to find a phone number where he could be reached. "Mrs. P? I have to tell you something, my dad is dead." I told him I knew that and prayed that somehow I would have the words to comfort him. He told me that he wanted me to be at the funeral the next day and I said that I was already planning on it. We hung up and I went to bed with my head full of questions.
Why did John's dad have to die?
Why did this have to happen?
Why is John an orphan?
Yes- John is now an orphan. His mother died a few years ago and he lives with his grandmother, who is wonderful lady and is doing a great job of taking care of John. But at 13, John no longer has either of his parents.
God is not a stranger to my hard questions and He was barraged with them Monday night and Tuesday morning. Notice that all of my questions begin with the word 'why'. I am always wanting to know why something happens or why someone does something. Maybe it's the writer in me that wants to take a situation and resolve it. I want answers.
I didn't know exactly what I was going to say to John Tuesday morning, so I got up early and decided to write him a note. Those of you that know me will not be surprised in the least to learn that my note turned into a 3 page letter- front and back. The words came pouring out of me and I went with it. I'm a writer- it's what I do.
One of the things that I told him was that God was bigger than all of our questions. That He can handle the whys, and the anger and the hurt. That rather than seeking out other things, seek Him.
How do I know that? Beacuse I have asked the dangerous questions. The ones that might seem irreverent. The ones that some people wouldn't ask God becasue they think He might not like to hear them. I have screamed at God and demanded to know why. I have cried out to Him when there were no words I could say.
RED has a song called "Let it Burn" that asks some of the same dangerous questions that I have asked.
"Where were you when our hearts were bleeding?"
"How long will you hide your face?"
"Is your world just a broken promise?"
"Is your love just a drop of rain?"
"Are you still there?"
"Will you just let it all burn down?"
I believe that God loves it when we come to Him with the whys and the hows and the screams. He can take the dangerous questions.
Psalm 46:1-2 (Message) "God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake. Before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains."
My take on this is that if we are going to God with questions- we are still going to God. He is our safe place. I figure the God of the universe can handle my questions. Then no matter what happens, He gives us His strength to stand on the cliff of doom and be courageous in an earthquake.
I give God my questions and He gives me His Peace.
Gotta love that trade-off!
I had His Peace as I walked into that funeral home where John was sitting and waiting for the funeral to start. He gave me Peace as I was able to pray with John and hug him and give him a small gift. He was there through the service and afterwards. I know He was there when John watched the casket being lowered into the ground and I know He is going to give His Peace to John in the days and weeks to come.
And when John asks the dangerous questions- God will be there. Patient. Loving. Understanding.
I told John in my letter that God is the Father to the Fatherless, because I lost my own father. Becasue I have asked the hard questions. Because I know the truth in that. And John knows that because he heard me talk about it a thousand times last year in class. He knows.
My prayer for John and for anyone else who has a thousand "whys" is that you bring them to God. Even if they are screamed, or cried or whispered. Know that the God that created everything will hear your desperate whys. And in exchange for your questions, He will give you His Peace.
"Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times." Psalm 91:15 (Message)
Here is a video of RED's "Let It Burn". May it inspire you to ask the dangerous questions....
But with just a few keystrokes I was looking at an obituary that confirmed what I had been told.
Later, I had many more phone calls telling me of the sad news. After trying to reach the student (I'll call him John- not his real name) I was able to find a phone number where he could be reached. "Mrs. P? I have to tell you something, my dad is dead." I told him I knew that and prayed that somehow I would have the words to comfort him. He told me that he wanted me to be at the funeral the next day and I said that I was already planning on it. We hung up and I went to bed with my head full of questions.
Why did John's dad have to die?
Why did this have to happen?
Why is John an orphan?
Yes- John is now an orphan. His mother died a few years ago and he lives with his grandmother, who is wonderful lady and is doing a great job of taking care of John. But at 13, John no longer has either of his parents.
God is not a stranger to my hard questions and He was barraged with them Monday night and Tuesday morning. Notice that all of my questions begin with the word 'why'. I am always wanting to know why something happens or why someone does something. Maybe it's the writer in me that wants to take a situation and resolve it. I want answers.
I didn't know exactly what I was going to say to John Tuesday morning, so I got up early and decided to write him a note. Those of you that know me will not be surprised in the least to learn that my note turned into a 3 page letter- front and back. The words came pouring out of me and I went with it. I'm a writer- it's what I do.
One of the things that I told him was that God was bigger than all of our questions. That He can handle the whys, and the anger and the hurt. That rather than seeking out other things, seek Him.
How do I know that? Beacuse I have asked the dangerous questions. The ones that might seem irreverent. The ones that some people wouldn't ask God becasue they think He might not like to hear them. I have screamed at God and demanded to know why. I have cried out to Him when there were no words I could say.
RED has a song called "Let it Burn" that asks some of the same dangerous questions that I have asked.
"Where were you when our hearts were bleeding?"
"How long will you hide your face?"
"Is your world just a broken promise?"
"Is your love just a drop of rain?"
"Are you still there?"
"Will you just let it all burn down?"
I believe that God loves it when we come to Him with the whys and the hows and the screams. He can take the dangerous questions.
Psalm 46:1-2 (Message) "God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake. Before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains."
My take on this is that if we are going to God with questions- we are still going to God. He is our safe place. I figure the God of the universe can handle my questions. Then no matter what happens, He gives us His strength to stand on the cliff of doom and be courageous in an earthquake.
I give God my questions and He gives me His Peace.
Gotta love that trade-off!
I had His Peace as I walked into that funeral home where John was sitting and waiting for the funeral to start. He gave me Peace as I was able to pray with John and hug him and give him a small gift. He was there through the service and afterwards. I know He was there when John watched the casket being lowered into the ground and I know He is going to give His Peace to John in the days and weeks to come.
And when John asks the dangerous questions- God will be there. Patient. Loving. Understanding.
I told John in my letter that God is the Father to the Fatherless, because I lost my own father. Becasue I have asked the hard questions. Because I know the truth in that. And John knows that because he heard me talk about it a thousand times last year in class. He knows.
My prayer for John and for anyone else who has a thousand "whys" is that you bring them to God. Even if they are screamed, or cried or whispered. Know that the God that created everything will hear your desperate whys. And in exchange for your questions, He will give you His Peace.
"Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times." Psalm 91:15 (Message)
Here is a video of RED's "Let It Burn". May it inspire you to ask the dangerous questions....
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Warrior Spirit
This blog has been silent for almost nine months. No- I did not fall off the face of the earth, but on some days it felt like it. I am not going to use my blog to bash anyone or go into great detail about those nine months, but let's just say it was not a fun situation.
I have to say that I completed what I had to and am now free of this situation. I'm still in the recovery process but am feeling more like "me" every day. So how did I get through this tough time?
It's nothing earth shattering really. I prayed a lot. I had friends that listened to me "vent". I had a very supportive husband. I looked for quotes and Bible verses that encouraged me and I had my music. I don't know if I would have gotten through without all of those things.
There were days that I didn't know if I was going to get through things and I would find some song or verse or poem and take strength from that. Lots of songs by Thousand Foot Krutch, RED, Fireflight, and Nine Lashes spoke to what I was feeling and gave me the courage I needed.
Then there is the book. I hadn't typed one word on the actual manuscript since last year. The miraculous thing is that I DID do a lot of what I call "spinning"- taking notes on parts of the story that come after the first book. Ideas would come to me in the middle of some of my hardest days. These little bits of encouragement have blossomed into almost 100 pages of notes on my series. I have the ending pretty much plotted out and know where my heroine is going. For that I am thankful.
I am trying not to be bitter about what I just came out of. I want to be thankful that I made it through and that I ended well and on my terms. And now I just want to write.
A few days ago I found myself looking at my manuscript and while I read through the pages I kept thinking that this was the beginning of the journey and Afton and I were on. I know she is going to come up against some things that look impossible to get through. I always knew she would get through them- but I don't think I felt as if I could. Turns out.....I can.
I have talked to Rich about how I have the warrior spirit- the one that doesn't give up. The one that fights for their family, the one that believes in others. I have known it was there, but it seemed dormant. It's not anymore!!
This Warrior Writer is stepping out into the unknown and my goal is to finish this first book by Oct. 1st. Hopefully I will have some people look at it before then, but I have set my goal.
Now the fun part is the every day work to pull it off.
I will finish the book!!
I have to say that I completed what I had to and am now free of this situation. I'm still in the recovery process but am feeling more like "me" every day. So how did I get through this tough time?
It's nothing earth shattering really. I prayed a lot. I had friends that listened to me "vent". I had a very supportive husband. I looked for quotes and Bible verses that encouraged me and I had my music. I don't know if I would have gotten through without all of those things.
There were days that I didn't know if I was going to get through things and I would find some song or verse or poem and take strength from that. Lots of songs by Thousand Foot Krutch, RED, Fireflight, and Nine Lashes spoke to what I was feeling and gave me the courage I needed.
Then there is the book. I hadn't typed one word on the actual manuscript since last year. The miraculous thing is that I DID do a lot of what I call "spinning"- taking notes on parts of the story that come after the first book. Ideas would come to me in the middle of some of my hardest days. These little bits of encouragement have blossomed into almost 100 pages of notes on my series. I have the ending pretty much plotted out and know where my heroine is going. For that I am thankful.
I am trying not to be bitter about what I just came out of. I want to be thankful that I made it through and that I ended well and on my terms. And now I just want to write.
A few days ago I found myself looking at my manuscript and while I read through the pages I kept thinking that this was the beginning of the journey and Afton and I were on. I know she is going to come up against some things that look impossible to get through. I always knew she would get through them- but I don't think I felt as if I could. Turns out.....I can.
I have talked to Rich about how I have the warrior spirit- the one that doesn't give up. The one that fights for their family, the one that believes in others. I have known it was there, but it seemed dormant. It's not anymore!!
This Warrior Writer is stepping out into the unknown and my goal is to finish this first book by Oct. 1st. Hopefully I will have some people look at it before then, but I have set my goal.
Now the fun part is the every day work to pull it off.
I will finish the book!!
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