I've been back in the real world for a few days and I am still struggling with the words to explain exactly what this past weekend at The Ragged Edge meant to me. Usually the words come so easily; but today they aren't. There are just pieces of what Ted and the others shared that are impossible for me to put into words and sentences.
The rawness of what the five authors shared with us is like nothing I have ever heard of. On that first day, Ted shared his bio with us. Listening to him talk about all of his books and successes was daunting for me. I began to wonder why in the world I was there. Then Ted did an amazing thing. He stopped and then said something that made me a bigger fan than before. He told us that he was going to tell us the real story...not just a nice tidy bio.
And he did. He shared his struggles and triumphs. I remember thinking that if he could do it, I could too. Maybe this writing thing was for me. Each author shared their writing journeys and I kept thinking more and more that I related to these people- these writers. When I began talking to other attendees I found I could relate to their stories too. No matter what the age or gender. We all had a common thread. We were writers. We were blue monkeys. We were freaks.
My paradigm has shifted. My DNA has been altered forever. How do you put that into a paragraph? How do you sum that up? How do you assign words and phrases to that?
You don't.
I found that I now get the phrase in the Bible about Mary pondering all the wonderful miracles that happened when Jesus was a baby and pondering them in her heart. I'll bet that she didn't have the words either.
I did come across a note that a friend and co-worker from Nebraska had written me five or six years ago. At the time I was struggling with my identity (I hadn't started writing yet...) and she gave me a card with a tabby cat on the front. The card says, "The Tabby knows where to grow its stripes". Inside, this dear woman wrote "Know why that tabby knows where to grow his stripes? I believe it's because God has it all figured out and planned for him- it's just a natural occurrence as to how those stripes will grow. Your stripes come into being just as natural as the stripes on a tabby cat. God has his plan for you too, Colette. Just let it happen..."
She went on to say some wonderful things and how God would be faithful to show me who I am and use the gifts he given me for His glory. Did this woman know what God would be up to six years later? Did she know that God would restore the gift of writing to me? Did she know I would be in up to my eyeballs in a classic fantasy story?
No. She just told me that my "stripes" were there and God had it all planned and under control. Much like Ted shared about the blue monkey. I am blue- even if I try to fit in with the brown ones. He made me blue. I am different and I need to embrace that. My stripes have been there all along- I have been blue all this time- the difference is that now I acknowledge that.
When we met the authors face to face and had them sign our books, I enjoyed chatting with all of them, but with Ted I didn't say too much. I told him how much the fountain scene in "Immanuel's Veins" meant to me and how beautiful it was to me. He just stared at me and all I could do was stare back. I could not say one more thing other than "Thank you." Again- it was too much for words. The other time I talked to him at the end of the conference I barely said anything either. My heart was bleeding- my emotions were too raw. I simply thanked him for talking to his daughter and that my dad and I had the same type of conversation a few days before he died. That he was worried for me to be a writer, but he gave me his blessing. My dad actually made me promise him I would write at least one novel. How could I look into those blue eyes that were ravaged by the pain of his cancer and not promise him just that one thing? So I made the promise....again just able to get the words out. The eye contact was far more meaningful than the words.
Back to Ted....the words failed me...I just said thank you.....but the eye contact was stunning. I knew he knew what I was trying so hard to say but could not find the correct word to match the emotion.
He knew. He knew even without the words....
I have been thinking about a song that sums any of this up and I have to go with Dream Theater's song "Wither". To me it has always spoken of creating something that is very personal- like my writing.
"I wither and render myself helpless
I give in and everything is clear
I break down and let the story guide me
I wither and give myself away."
You can't be a writer and not share who you are. It's very personal. For me- once I let the story guide me- it changed my writing.
Now to only find the words.....
************
Here is Dream Theater's song "Wither".
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Will the Real Writer Please Stand Up?
I am going to attempt as best as I can to explain what happened to me at The Ragged Edge conference this weekend. First of all, you must understand that this was like no other writer's conference I have ever heard of. They promised a raw, uncensored look at writing by published Christian authors. The schedule was vague- 10-12 Ragged Edge Morning Session 12-1 Lunch 1-5 Ragged Edge Afternoon Session. No tracks, no detailed syllabus, no specifics.
Then there was Ted Dekker. I have learned that you either love him or hate him. He is not a middle of the road kind of guy. I know his writing. "Black" was the first novel of his that I ever read and it changed the way I looked at the world. I thought "This guy I totally get. He sees God in everything and he is not afraid to look at the things that many Christians just don't want to look at." I thought I knew how Ted would be.
I was wrong.
Ted is an intense individual- that I expected. What I did not expect was to see the passion, the creative genius, the humor, the unedited comments, or the love that comes out of this man in waves. He promised that the Ragged Edge would not be like any other writer's conference- and he delivered.
The stage was not set with folding chairs and a podium- it had a couch, coffee table, two chairs to the left of the couch and one to the right. There were candles lit and the two huge background screens had fantastic modern art on it. Ted called it his dungeon- like the one he writes in at home. It gave a comfortable feel to the tone of the workshop.
I only have one page of notes of the Friday for a reason....Ted wanted to share the emotional side to writing. He and the other authors shared their joys and struggles with the writing profession. The more they shared about who they were and what makes a writer, the more I began to relax and my heart soared.
They were all freaks like me... I was not alone! Ted calls himself, "A blue monkey in a brown monkey world." I can identify with that. As he and Tosca, Eric, Bob, and Steven began to share their stories and the traits that make up a writer...there was a part of me that was validated. Some of the things I do are not flaws- they are characteristics of a writer.
One of the authors said that when he takes his wife out to dinner, he chooses a table where he can look at the wall. That way he is not tempted to observe the other people around him. I can totally relate to that! Observation is a powerful trait of a writer. We watch others around us. Where others would not notice subtle things- we do. For example last night at PF Changs I noticed the female servers that were gathered around an attractive dark headed male server. All of the girls were vying for his attention and one girl looked at the others and flipped her blond hair. The guy's eyes were immediately on her. It was fascinating to me! I'm sure no one else noticed but I did because I am a writer and I observe.
Another trait of writers (especially fiction) is our intense feelings for everything. I know I have been called moody or told that I wear my heart on my sleeve. And I do. Whatever is going on with me I feel it intensely. It sucks for the people around me sometimes- but it is invaluable for my writing. I need to know the devastation My main character, Afton, feels when she loses her friend, the elation she feels when she falls in love, the utter desperation when she feels she has failed her quest. If I don't feel it- the reader won't either.
Ted told us that we have to bleed on the page. That we have to scream at it to even get our readers to hear a whisper. That we needed to give our stories all the emotion we had. We can dip into the well of our own experiences as well in order to relate to things that are in our stories. I know that I can remember how lost I felt when my dad died. How elated I felt the first time I held Kendall and Ian in my arms. How scared to death I felt when Rich was on a deck that collapsed and I thought I was going to be a widow.
Imagination is also a powerful trait for a writer. Now, any of you that know me, know that I have a well developed imagination. I can picture dragons flying in the sky and armies of skeletons ready for battle. I can imagine being someone else and write their POV (point of view) in a very realistic way. Tosca Lee called it "The access to the world beyond." and "Our window into God's heart."
I love that! I love that something that makes me unique and quirky is a window into my King's heart! Wow.
It's also a safe way to deal with things that I would not do in real life. I am able to shatter people's lives, take things away that are dear to them, and to kill people. I am able to wage war and have dragons let loose their fire on unsuspecting victims. I am the creator of my world and I take that very seriously. These people that I have created are precious to me. I am very protective of my world and the story that is created about it. I could do none of this without my imagination.
What it boils down to is this. I am a writer.
What I thought were weaknesses are really strengths.
I am a writer.
*************
I know I have posted this song before...but I realized this morning how Coldplay's "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall" sums up my writing. The video has bright colors all mixing together in a location that is gray and rundown. I think as writers- we bring those colors and intensity to those that have forgotten. The references to my favorite song- music is a powerful tool that I use in my writing. Every teardrop is a waterfall is a shout out to the fact that every tear we see as writers- we see everything and feel everything behind that tear.
"You can hurt me bad....but still I'll raise the flag." Writing and attempting to get published can be a painful experience..but I am committed to persevere. I will raise the flag.
The way the front man raises his arms in the "flag" lines.....it's surrendering to a Power bigger than ourselves. without Him there would be no words, no imagination, no observation.
So here is the video. If you haven't watched it...I highly recommend it. If you have seen it...watch it again.
I will blog more about the Ragged Edge later. This writer is tired!
Then there was Ted Dekker. I have learned that you either love him or hate him. He is not a middle of the road kind of guy. I know his writing. "Black" was the first novel of his that I ever read and it changed the way I looked at the world. I thought "This guy I totally get. He sees God in everything and he is not afraid to look at the things that many Christians just don't want to look at." I thought I knew how Ted would be.
I was wrong.
Ted is an intense individual- that I expected. What I did not expect was to see the passion, the creative genius, the humor, the unedited comments, or the love that comes out of this man in waves. He promised that the Ragged Edge would not be like any other writer's conference- and he delivered.
The stage was not set with folding chairs and a podium- it had a couch, coffee table, two chairs to the left of the couch and one to the right. There were candles lit and the two huge background screens had fantastic modern art on it. Ted called it his dungeon- like the one he writes in at home. It gave a comfortable feel to the tone of the workshop.
I only have one page of notes of the Friday for a reason....Ted wanted to share the emotional side to writing. He and the other authors shared their joys and struggles with the writing profession. The more they shared about who they were and what makes a writer, the more I began to relax and my heart soared.
They were all freaks like me... I was not alone! Ted calls himself, "A blue monkey in a brown monkey world." I can identify with that. As he and Tosca, Eric, Bob, and Steven began to share their stories and the traits that make up a writer...there was a part of me that was validated. Some of the things I do are not flaws- they are characteristics of a writer.
One of the authors said that when he takes his wife out to dinner, he chooses a table where he can look at the wall. That way he is not tempted to observe the other people around him. I can totally relate to that! Observation is a powerful trait of a writer. We watch others around us. Where others would not notice subtle things- we do. For example last night at PF Changs I noticed the female servers that were gathered around an attractive dark headed male server. All of the girls were vying for his attention and one girl looked at the others and flipped her blond hair. The guy's eyes were immediately on her. It was fascinating to me! I'm sure no one else noticed but I did because I am a writer and I observe.
Another trait of writers (especially fiction) is our intense feelings for everything. I know I have been called moody or told that I wear my heart on my sleeve. And I do. Whatever is going on with me I feel it intensely. It sucks for the people around me sometimes- but it is invaluable for my writing. I need to know the devastation My main character, Afton, feels when she loses her friend, the elation she feels when she falls in love, the utter desperation when she feels she has failed her quest. If I don't feel it- the reader won't either.
Ted told us that we have to bleed on the page. That we have to scream at it to even get our readers to hear a whisper. That we needed to give our stories all the emotion we had. We can dip into the well of our own experiences as well in order to relate to things that are in our stories. I know that I can remember how lost I felt when my dad died. How elated I felt the first time I held Kendall and Ian in my arms. How scared to death I felt when Rich was on a deck that collapsed and I thought I was going to be a widow.
Imagination is also a powerful trait for a writer. Now, any of you that know me, know that I have a well developed imagination. I can picture dragons flying in the sky and armies of skeletons ready for battle. I can imagine being someone else and write their POV (point of view) in a very realistic way. Tosca Lee called it "The access to the world beyond." and "Our window into God's heart."
I love that! I love that something that makes me unique and quirky is a window into my King's heart! Wow.
It's also a safe way to deal with things that I would not do in real life. I am able to shatter people's lives, take things away that are dear to them, and to kill people. I am able to wage war and have dragons let loose their fire on unsuspecting victims. I am the creator of my world and I take that very seriously. These people that I have created are precious to me. I am very protective of my world and the story that is created about it. I could do none of this without my imagination.
What it boils down to is this. I am a writer.
What I thought were weaknesses are really strengths.
I am a writer.
*************
I know I have posted this song before...but I realized this morning how Coldplay's "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall" sums up my writing. The video has bright colors all mixing together in a location that is gray and rundown. I think as writers- we bring those colors and intensity to those that have forgotten. The references to my favorite song- music is a powerful tool that I use in my writing. Every teardrop is a waterfall is a shout out to the fact that every tear we see as writers- we see everything and feel everything behind that tear.
"You can hurt me bad....but still I'll raise the flag." Writing and attempting to get published can be a painful experience..but I am committed to persevere. I will raise the flag.
The way the front man raises his arms in the "flag" lines.....it's surrendering to a Power bigger than ourselves. without Him there would be no words, no imagination, no observation.
So here is the video. If you haven't watched it...I highly recommend it. If you have seen it...watch it again.
I will blog more about the Ragged Edge later. This writer is tired!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Standing on the Edge.....
Tomorrow I will be on the road to Nashville to attend The Ragged Edge, a very unconventional writer's workshop. Until a week ago I had made my peace with not going to this...but one email changed all of that. Turns out I was the runner up in author Tosca Lee's essay contest. I had to write in 200 words or less why I wanted to go to the conference.
So I wrote about the sound of dragon wings, and how my dad heard them long before I did. When my dad made me promise to him two days before he died that I would write a book I had no idea it would be 11 years before I started. I explained how an idea of a ordinary girl who learned to sword fight turned into an epic tale of good vs. evil and had a cast of characters including skeletons, giants, dragons, and kings. It is a story that has grabbed my heart and I can't stop working on it if I tried.
The winner of Tosca's contest could not make it and she asked me if I wanted it. Of course I said YES! I am so honored to have won this $650 ticket! With Rich out of work there is no way I could have gone otherwise. Tomorrow I will sit at the feet of some of the most unconventional christian authors and hear their hearts.
As I get ready today....I wanted to blog and while I am typing this...RED is playing on Youtube. Without this band I would not have the inspiration for some of my most important scenes in my story. It all started with "Let Go" when I first pictured a scene in my head with such clarity- it freaked me out a little. I had no idea when I started Afton's story two years ago just what would develop in the novel, but in my heart.
This story of a girl with a sword has left it's mark on my heart already. I have been challenged to look at my relationships with my family, friends, and enemies and they have been left on the pages of this epic story. I have learned how to be a better observer of what is around me. I have learned about the Celtic way of life and I have learned about symbolism and the power of love.
I feel as if I am standing on the edge of the next part of this journey...and it's not a mistake that this workshop is called The Ragged Edge. When I blog about this adventure next week I am sure that I will changed. I hope to be able to put into words the impact this weekend had on me.
I also have to give a big shout out to those of you that read my blog and encourage me in this project. I know there are many days that you have given me the strength and courage to keep going! I hope and pray that you continue to hang with me as I keep plowing ahead with this story.
I am excited and nervous about tomorrow because of the unknown. I have wanted to do something like this for so long, that I am trying to have no expectations about it. I do know that the authors that will be speaking are very out of the box and will challenge me. I am so up for that!
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this weekend as I stand on the edge of something new (and old). I wanted to post one RED song and found that I cannot make a decision between them...so I am posting both.
Let Go was the first song I ever "saw" a scene to, and Ordinary World- the video (esp. the last 10 seconds or so) slapped me upside the head one day and got me back on track.
Here's to a new adventure.........
So I wrote about the sound of dragon wings, and how my dad heard them long before I did. When my dad made me promise to him two days before he died that I would write a book I had no idea it would be 11 years before I started. I explained how an idea of a ordinary girl who learned to sword fight turned into an epic tale of good vs. evil and had a cast of characters including skeletons, giants, dragons, and kings. It is a story that has grabbed my heart and I can't stop working on it if I tried.
The winner of Tosca's contest could not make it and she asked me if I wanted it. Of course I said YES! I am so honored to have won this $650 ticket! With Rich out of work there is no way I could have gone otherwise. Tomorrow I will sit at the feet of some of the most unconventional christian authors and hear their hearts.
As I get ready today....I wanted to blog and while I am typing this...RED is playing on Youtube. Without this band I would not have the inspiration for some of my most important scenes in my story. It all started with "Let Go" when I first pictured a scene in my head with such clarity- it freaked me out a little. I had no idea when I started Afton's story two years ago just what would develop in the novel, but in my heart.
This story of a girl with a sword has left it's mark on my heart already. I have been challenged to look at my relationships with my family, friends, and enemies and they have been left on the pages of this epic story. I have learned how to be a better observer of what is around me. I have learned about the Celtic way of life and I have learned about symbolism and the power of love.
I feel as if I am standing on the edge of the next part of this journey...and it's not a mistake that this workshop is called The Ragged Edge. When I blog about this adventure next week I am sure that I will changed. I hope to be able to put into words the impact this weekend had on me.
I also have to give a big shout out to those of you that read my blog and encourage me in this project. I know there are many days that you have given me the strength and courage to keep going! I hope and pray that you continue to hang with me as I keep plowing ahead with this story.
I am excited and nervous about tomorrow because of the unknown. I have wanted to do something like this for so long, that I am trying to have no expectations about it. I do know that the authors that will be speaking are very out of the box and will challenge me. I am so up for that!
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this weekend as I stand on the edge of something new (and old). I wanted to post one RED song and found that I cannot make a decision between them...so I am posting both.
Let Go was the first song I ever "saw" a scene to, and Ordinary World- the video (esp. the last 10 seconds or so) slapped me upside the head one day and got me back on track.
Here's to a new adventure.........
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The 11th Hour
I am a fan of the underdog.
I love it when the odds are stacked against the good guys and it looks like the bad guys are going to win....and at the last second something happens and the bad guys go down.
I don't know many people that don't cheer for the side that shouldn't have won.
So- I love it when things work out for people when against all odds- it shouldn't.
Today- that person was me. I had found out a few weeks ago that there were scholarships for writers who wanted to go to "The Ragged Edge"- a rather unconventional writer's workshop led by author Ted Dekker. There was no way I could afford the $650 ticket so I entered four or five contests to win a scholarship. I thought I had a chance of winning at least one of the contests and was extremely disappointed when I did not get a scholarship. I even started a fund for next year's workshop.
I got up early this morning to do some writing. It's always quiet at 5am so that's when I get some of my best stuff written. After I had spent an hour or so writing, I checked my email and was surprised to see one from Tosca Lee- one of the authors that will be at the Ragged Edge. She explained that I was the runner up in her contest and that the winner was not able to go to the workshop and would I be interested in the ticket?
Ummmmmmm......YES!! I ran in the bedroom and woke my husband up to tell him. I thought I was still dreaming but when I showed him the email- it was still there. We figured out a very creative way to combine a brief family vacation with the workshop. So next week we will be heading to Nashville!
Do I care that I was the runner up?
Nope. Not if that means that I will get the chance to sit at the feet of some awesome and innovative authors and learn from their wisdom.
What matters is that I am seeing yet another "long-shot" in my writing journey coming through for me.
Coincidence?
Hardly.
Destiny?
Absolutely.
Is this a shift in my favor at the 11th hour?
Yes it is.
And I have a feeling that my life will never be the same.
Have you ever had an 11th Hour experience? I'd love to hear about it!
Here's to trusting God- even when it looks the darkest. You never know what will happen next.
Here is a video of Switchfoot's new single "Dark Horses". I thought it was very appropriate for my post tonight.
I love it when the odds are stacked against the good guys and it looks like the bad guys are going to win....and at the last second something happens and the bad guys go down.
I don't know many people that don't cheer for the side that shouldn't have won.
So- I love it when things work out for people when against all odds- it shouldn't.
Today- that person was me. I had found out a few weeks ago that there were scholarships for writers who wanted to go to "The Ragged Edge"- a rather unconventional writer's workshop led by author Ted Dekker. There was no way I could afford the $650 ticket so I entered four or five contests to win a scholarship. I thought I had a chance of winning at least one of the contests and was extremely disappointed when I did not get a scholarship. I even started a fund for next year's workshop.
I got up early this morning to do some writing. It's always quiet at 5am so that's when I get some of my best stuff written. After I had spent an hour or so writing, I checked my email and was surprised to see one from Tosca Lee- one of the authors that will be at the Ragged Edge. She explained that I was the runner up in her contest and that the winner was not able to go to the workshop and would I be interested in the ticket?
Ummmmmmm......YES!! I ran in the bedroom and woke my husband up to tell him. I thought I was still dreaming but when I showed him the email- it was still there. We figured out a very creative way to combine a brief family vacation with the workshop. So next week we will be heading to Nashville!
Do I care that I was the runner up?
Nope. Not if that means that I will get the chance to sit at the feet of some awesome and innovative authors and learn from their wisdom.
What matters is that I am seeing yet another "long-shot" in my writing journey coming through for me.
Coincidence?
Hardly.
Destiny?
Absolutely.
Is this a shift in my favor at the 11th hour?
Yes it is.
And I have a feeling that my life will never be the same.
Have you ever had an 11th Hour experience? I'd love to hear about it!
Here's to trusting God- even when it looks the darkest. You never know what will happen next.
Here is a video of Switchfoot's new single "Dark Horses". I thought it was very appropriate for my post tonight.
Monday, August 1, 2011
No Casket Should Ever Be This Small
This morning I found myself on a beautiful green lawn with huge established trees. The birds were singing and the sky was blue and dotted with fluffy clouds. The only thing that did not fit was the tiny casket under the green awning surrounded by headstones.
I was in a cemetery at the graveside service of a baby that had never had a chance to take her first breath. Baby Mackenzie was only 22 weeks developed when she died. Her big brother had been a student of mine last year and I knew I had to attend this service for him and his family.
As I stood looking at the smallest casket I had ever seen I grabbed my husband's hand and reached out to touch my son's head and moved it to my daughter's shoulder. I listened to the pastor offer words of comfort to the grieving family, all the while fighting back his own tears. He is a father- and this service was very personal to him- and to everyone there who was a parent. He motioned to the tiny box and said "No casket should ever be this small."
The death of a child is never easy to understand. I don't think it fits into our box of easy answers and that makes it tough to explain. The pastor used a very unconventional scripture that I thought fit the occasion. He talked about the man who had been blind from birth. People asked Jesus whose fault the blindness was- the man's sin, or the man's family. "neither" Jesus said.
For me, it's not about blame or answering the "why". I think you can get stuck there trying to find answers. It's about the "Who". I know Who it is that will walk this family through their grief. I know Who it is that is with me when I don't understand- when I question- when I yell at the sky because I am in pain. I know Who it is that calms the storm. I know Who...and that has made all the difference.
Psalm 91 says- "You are my refuge and strength - you are my hiding place. You hear my voice when I call before I say anything at all. In desperate need I cry only to realize the hand that heals the sick has my name written on it."
I love the visual of my name being etched on His hand. It cannot come off...it is permanent. And somehow- His hands are large enough to hold all of those tattooed names on His skin.
I know that there was a new name added to my Savior's hand last Friday.....
Mackenzie.
*******************
Here is Psalm 91- by Sonicflood
I was in a cemetery at the graveside service of a baby that had never had a chance to take her first breath. Baby Mackenzie was only 22 weeks developed when she died. Her big brother had been a student of mine last year and I knew I had to attend this service for him and his family.
As I stood looking at the smallest casket I had ever seen I grabbed my husband's hand and reached out to touch my son's head and moved it to my daughter's shoulder. I listened to the pastor offer words of comfort to the grieving family, all the while fighting back his own tears. He is a father- and this service was very personal to him- and to everyone there who was a parent. He motioned to the tiny box and said "No casket should ever be this small."
The death of a child is never easy to understand. I don't think it fits into our box of easy answers and that makes it tough to explain. The pastor used a very unconventional scripture that I thought fit the occasion. He talked about the man who had been blind from birth. People asked Jesus whose fault the blindness was- the man's sin, or the man's family. "neither" Jesus said.
For me, it's not about blame or answering the "why". I think you can get stuck there trying to find answers. It's about the "Who". I know Who it is that will walk this family through their grief. I know Who it is that is with me when I don't understand- when I question- when I yell at the sky because I am in pain. I know Who it is that calms the storm. I know Who...and that has made all the difference.
Psalm 91 says- "You are my refuge and strength - you are my hiding place. You hear my voice when I call before I say anything at all. In desperate need I cry only to realize the hand that heals the sick has my name written on it."
I love the visual of my name being etched on His hand. It cannot come off...it is permanent. And somehow- His hands are large enough to hold all of those tattooed names on His skin.
I know that there was a new name added to my Savior's hand last Friday.....
Mackenzie.
*******************
Here is Psalm 91- by Sonicflood
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Breathing Lessons from a Man Who Lived 1700 Years Ago.....
If you know me- you know these two things:
1- I am a History geek.
2- I am a mover and a shaker.
I have always been fascinated with history- what happened in the past and how that affects us now. I remember in high school, doing research on World War II-not for a project; but because I wanted to. (geeky- I know.) But I love history.
I came across a song yesterday called "Late Have I Loved You" by Gungor. It spoke to me and I have been listening to it over and over. I had put the song on FaceBook and a friend from high school commented that it was from a prayer by St. Augustine. Being the history buff I am- I looked it up..and St. Augustine lived in the 300's. He didn't come to know God until he was in his 30's and a part of his writings are the song I referenced earlier.
Late have I loved You
Beauty so ancient
So new
Late have I loved You
You were within me, but I was outside You
It was there that I searched for You
You were here with me
But I was not with You
It was there that You found me
You called and You shouted
You broke through my deafness
You flashed and you shone
Dispelled all my blindness
You breathed Your fragrance on me
I drew in Your breath
And I keep on breathing
I’ve tasted I’ve seen
And now I want more
You breathed Your fragrance on me
Late have I loved You
The one piece of the song that spoke to me (maybe shouted??) was " I drew in Your breath- and I keep on breathing..."
I thought about some of the songs that have been speaking to me personally that are on my novel playlist and eight of them talk about breathing. Why is that such a big deal? My number two thing in my intro today is that I am a mover and shaker...I am a list maker, a doer, a gal that gets things done. Someone once told me that if I went after something like a pit bull...I wouldn't let go until I got what I wanted.
On some level- that is a compliment- and on another it's a huge stumbling block. There are so many times that I think I can get things done all by myself...and I try again and again in my own power to do things that I need God's help but I don't ask for it.
"And this is how it feels when I ignore the words You spoke to me.
And this where I lose myself when I keep running away from You
And this is who I am when I don't know myself anymore...this is what I choose when it's all left up to me...
Breathe Your life into me-I can't feel You....I'm falling- falling faster.
Breathe Your life into me- I still need You- I'm falling...falling....breathe into me." ~RED "Breathe Into Me"
This was the first RED song I ever downloaded and it is still my all time favorite because it is so true for me. If I go and do things in my own power- I know that sooner or later I will lose myself. Somewhere along the way I will give up, or sell out, or go crazy. If I am not breathing in His Spirit...I'm going to get it all wrong.
How do I know that?
Experience.
RED's song goes on to talk about "This is how it looks when I am standing on the edge...this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground...." I cannot count the times I have stood on the edge of something and end up shattering into pieces because I tried to do something my own way and in my own power.
There is a song by Thousand Foot Krutch called "Breathe You In"
"I've tried so hard to not walk away and when things don't go my way-
I still carry on and on just the same.
I've always been strong- I can't make this happen cuz I need to breathe- I need to breathe You in.
Fear of becoming- I'm so tired of running- I want to breathe You in- I want to breathe You in.
I'm going in-so cover me-Your compass will help me turn the page...."
Ok-here is the hard part for me. I don't like to stop and just breathe. I like to be going and doing and accomplishing things....marking them off my list...but I don't like to sit around.
When I get all worked up from constantly being on the go...my husband will tell me to "just breathe." Usually I don't like it at the time- but I know when I hear it that I have gotten too involved in whatever it is and have not taken time to "chill".
Another Thousand Foot Krutch song Learn to Breathe- says "Take the time to learn to breathe.."
Learn to breathe? Me? I thought breathing was something I do without even thinking about....
But those deep breaths?
The time to breathe in and out and refocus myself?
The breaths that I need from a higher power so that I can do what I was created to do?
Those are different.
That kind of breathing is the kind that St. Augustine was talking about- 1700 years ago.
That's the kind of breathing that is going to keep me strong.
Those breaths are going to fill me when I don't think I can keep going.
Those breaths are going to transform me from what I am now into what He knows I can be.
All I have to do?
Just breathe.
*****************
Songs on my "Breathing Playlist"
"Breathe"- Ben Cantelon
"Late Have I Loved You" - Gungor
"Breathe"- Superchick
"Breathe Into Me" RED (remix also)
"Breathe You In" Thousand Foot Krutch
"Breathe" Amberlin
"Breathless" Better Than Ezra
'Learn to Breathe" Thousand Foot Krutch
2 videos----Late Have I Loved You and Breathe You In
1- I am a History geek.
2- I am a mover and a shaker.
I have always been fascinated with history- what happened in the past and how that affects us now. I remember in high school, doing research on World War II-not for a project; but because I wanted to. (geeky- I know.) But I love history.
I came across a song yesterday called "Late Have I Loved You" by Gungor. It spoke to me and I have been listening to it over and over. I had put the song on FaceBook and a friend from high school commented that it was from a prayer by St. Augustine. Being the history buff I am- I looked it up..and St. Augustine lived in the 300's. He didn't come to know God until he was in his 30's and a part of his writings are the song I referenced earlier.
Late have I loved You
Beauty so ancient
So new
Late have I loved You
You were within me, but I was outside You
It was there that I searched for You
You were here with me
But I was not with You
It was there that You found me
You called and You shouted
You broke through my deafness
You flashed and you shone
Dispelled all my blindness
You breathed Your fragrance on me
I drew in Your breath
And I keep on breathing
I’ve tasted I’ve seen
And now I want more
You breathed Your fragrance on me
Late have I loved You
The one piece of the song that spoke to me (maybe shouted??) was " I drew in Your breath- and I keep on breathing..."
I thought about some of the songs that have been speaking to me personally that are on my novel playlist and eight of them talk about breathing. Why is that such a big deal? My number two thing in my intro today is that I am a mover and shaker...I am a list maker, a doer, a gal that gets things done. Someone once told me that if I went after something like a pit bull...I wouldn't let go until I got what I wanted.
On some level- that is a compliment- and on another it's a huge stumbling block. There are so many times that I think I can get things done all by myself...and I try again and again in my own power to do things that I need God's help but I don't ask for it.
"And this is how it feels when I ignore the words You spoke to me.
And this where I lose myself when I keep running away from You
And this is who I am when I don't know myself anymore...this is what I choose when it's all left up to me...
Breathe Your life into me-I can't feel You....I'm falling- falling faster.
Breathe Your life into me- I still need You- I'm falling...falling....breathe into me." ~RED "Breathe Into Me"
This was the first RED song I ever downloaded and it is still my all time favorite because it is so true for me. If I go and do things in my own power- I know that sooner or later I will lose myself. Somewhere along the way I will give up, or sell out, or go crazy. If I am not breathing in His Spirit...I'm going to get it all wrong.
How do I know that?
Experience.
RED's song goes on to talk about "This is how it looks when I am standing on the edge...this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground...." I cannot count the times I have stood on the edge of something and end up shattering into pieces because I tried to do something my own way and in my own power.
There is a song by Thousand Foot Krutch called "Breathe You In"
"I've tried so hard to not walk away and when things don't go my way-
I still carry on and on just the same.
I've always been strong- I can't make this happen cuz I need to breathe- I need to breathe You in.
Fear of becoming- I'm so tired of running- I want to breathe You in- I want to breathe You in.
I'm going in-so cover me-Your compass will help me turn the page...."
Ok-here is the hard part for me. I don't like to stop and just breathe. I like to be going and doing and accomplishing things....marking them off my list...but I don't like to sit around.
When I get all worked up from constantly being on the go...my husband will tell me to "just breathe." Usually I don't like it at the time- but I know when I hear it that I have gotten too involved in whatever it is and have not taken time to "chill".
Another Thousand Foot Krutch song Learn to Breathe- says "Take the time to learn to breathe.."
Learn to breathe? Me? I thought breathing was something I do without even thinking about....
But those deep breaths?
The time to breathe in and out and refocus myself?
The breaths that I need from a higher power so that I can do what I was created to do?
Those are different.
That kind of breathing is the kind that St. Augustine was talking about- 1700 years ago.
That's the kind of breathing that is going to keep me strong.
Those breaths are going to fill me when I don't think I can keep going.
Those breaths are going to transform me from what I am now into what He knows I can be.
All I have to do?
Just breathe.
*****************
Songs on my "Breathing Playlist"
"Breathe"- Ben Cantelon
"Late Have I Loved You" - Gungor
"Breathe"- Superchick
"Breathe Into Me" RED (remix also)
"Breathe You In" Thousand Foot Krutch
"Breathe" Amberlin
"Breathless" Better Than Ezra
'Learn to Breathe" Thousand Foot Krutch
2 videos----Late Have I Loved You and Breathe You In
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Love Is In the Air!
One of the pieces to my story is love. Yes- there is romantic love, but there is also the love between friends, parent/child, love for your country, etc.
After so many weeks of listening to play lists: "Fighting Music" & "Battle Music", I am listening to "Novel Love Songs". It is a nice change of pace. One thing that I have to mention is that out of the 21 songs that are on the list- only three artists are Christian. Which makes me wonder why more CM artists don't write love songs. I'm not talking love songs to Jesus and God- because there are many of those- but love between two people. I suppose "Already Over" and "Never Be the Same" by RED could go either way- but for the novel they are between two people. Plumb and Switchfoot are the other two artists.
Am I complaining? Not at all--I just thought it was interesting......
One of the areas I am exploring is romantic love. One character would be considered one of the bad guys- yet I am walking with him through the love he had for a woman - to the point that he gave up his freedom . The more time I spend with him, the more I understand that love can be intense and frightening.
It can also be hilarious! Another couple are so mismatched....he is huge and she is tiny. He is loud and she is more reserved. They really don't see what everyone else does... they were made for each other! He loves her with a sweetness that gets me every time.
Love can hit with a force that is almost unexplainable. A man takes one look at a woman and it is over for him.... And for another couple- it takes them a long time to figure the love thing out. They were friends for a very long time and each at different times they come to the realization that they love the other person. For me, it was interesting to think about that moment that you "know" you are in love with someone.
Is my story a romance? No- it's fantasy-adventure, but there is that romantic piece to it. But I have also explored love of a parent for a child. THAT has been interesting. Yes- I have drawn on my experience as a parent for some of it, but when your child dies....that is something I have not walked through. Or when you have to leave a child behind. I have been gleaning stories of servicemen and women to help me get the emotion that comes with that.
Love between friends is also explored -including love between soldiers. I've interviewed men in the service and gotten their take on your 'unit' being your family and the lengths you would go to in order to keep each other safe and what it does to each person when they lose a soldier.
There is also a 'higher power' element and the love that goes along with that. It has challenged me and I have wrestled with it, but it has been an honor to do so.
Today I would like to challenge you to look at the different facets of love in your own life. How has each had an impact on who you are as a person? If you have anything you'd like to share with me...please PM me on facebook or leave a comment here. I'm still researching .....
I will leave you with Plumb's love song "Blush".
After so many weeks of listening to play lists: "Fighting Music" & "Battle Music", I am listening to "Novel Love Songs". It is a nice change of pace. One thing that I have to mention is that out of the 21 songs that are on the list- only three artists are Christian. Which makes me wonder why more CM artists don't write love songs. I'm not talking love songs to Jesus and God- because there are many of those- but love between two people. I suppose "Already Over" and "Never Be the Same" by RED could go either way- but for the novel they are between two people. Plumb and Switchfoot are the other two artists.
Am I complaining? Not at all--I just thought it was interesting......
One of the areas I am exploring is romantic love. One character would be considered one of the bad guys- yet I am walking with him through the love he had for a woman - to the point that he gave up his freedom . The more time I spend with him, the more I understand that love can be intense and frightening.
It can also be hilarious! Another couple are so mismatched....he is huge and she is tiny. He is loud and she is more reserved. They really don't see what everyone else does... they were made for each other! He loves her with a sweetness that gets me every time.
Love can hit with a force that is almost unexplainable. A man takes one look at a woman and it is over for him.... And for another couple- it takes them a long time to figure the love thing out. They were friends for a very long time and each at different times they come to the realization that they love the other person. For me, it was interesting to think about that moment that you "know" you are in love with someone.
Is my story a romance? No- it's fantasy-adventure, but there is that romantic piece to it. But I have also explored love of a parent for a child. THAT has been interesting. Yes- I have drawn on my experience as a parent for some of it, but when your child dies....that is something I have not walked through. Or when you have to leave a child behind. I have been gleaning stories of servicemen and women to help me get the emotion that comes with that.
Love between friends is also explored -including love between soldiers. I've interviewed men in the service and gotten their take on your 'unit' being your family and the lengths you would go to in order to keep each other safe and what it does to each person when they lose a soldier.
There is also a 'higher power' element and the love that goes along with that. It has challenged me and I have wrestled with it, but it has been an honor to do so.
Today I would like to challenge you to look at the different facets of love in your own life. How has each had an impact on who you are as a person? If you have anything you'd like to share with me...please PM me on facebook or leave a comment here. I'm still researching .....
I will leave you with Plumb's love song "Blush".
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