Life With Autism: It's All About Love

My daughter was diagnosed with a form of autism a few months ago.  She has struggled with things her entire life and once we connected the dots we saw a specialist and she was tested.  We are slowly learning how to help her so that she can help herself.

It isn't easy. 

K has sensory issues which means that something like putting on jeans is a battle.  She doesn't like the feel of the button or the jean material.  She talks very loud but hates loud sounds.  She thrives on schedules and does much better when she knows what is happening next.  When something bothers her, she tends to yell or scream which only makes things worse.  If someone tries to deal with her and gets angry too, it continues to make it almost unbearable. 

It breaks my heart when I see her struggling.  When I look into her eyes and see the panic and try to reach her so she knows she is safe.  She is okay. 

I know that 10 year-olds don't pitch the kind of fits that she does, and she knows it too.  And she tries.  I watch her as she attempts to not have a meltdown.  I watch her as she does everything in her power to gain the upper hand over the emotions. 

I see what others don't. 

My parenting skills have come into question more times than I can ever begin to count.  People must think I am deaf or blind to not hear the comments or to see the eye-rolls.  But my hearing is great and so is my sight.  Believe me, I have questioned my parenting skills.  Probably more than most because my child is not an introvert and she is not quiet.  My daughter does not go unnoticed.  Pair that with the fact that she is taller than most 13 year olds and K is the perfect target for other parents. 

And that makes me mad.  PDD-NOS  is not an easy diagnosis.  It's basically a form of Autism that may or may not be like other forms.  Some kids have a few of the symptoms or just a couple that are very pronounced.  K's is she needs structure and she tends to act out aggressively when she feels "out of control".  She also struggles with anxiety- which does not help. 

But she looks normal.  So people become uncomfortable when this beautiful girl suddenly screams and cries and throws a fit like a toddler.  Usually we can trace it to things like sudden change, someone yelling at her, fatigue or big events.  We know that.  But others may not.

I have to mention the small group of friends that our family has.  They have been so wonderful and have helped encourage our family as we journey through this.  We have taught them what we have learned and try to communicate how best to help K.  They don't judge or eye-roll or get angry when K screams and flails around.  They help her with her coping skills and are quick with encouragement and slow to criticize.  They love her. 

And that's the bottom line.  Love.

I just felt today that I needed to share my struggle with my daughter's PDD-NOS and how it affects my family.  How we are doing everything under the sun to help K.  How with lots of love and patience she will learn to not only live with this disorder, but to live a full, vibrant life. 

"Love never gives up.  Love cares for others more than for self."  1 Cor. 13:5 (Message)

"Be brave, be strong.  Don't give up."  Psalm 31:24 a (Message)

I know there are those of you who are struggling with issues that your children have.  My best advice to you is:  Don't give up.
                 Be strong even when others criticize.
                  Love them like crazy!

I end this post with the song that always reminds me of my love for my darling daughter.  Billy Joel's Lullaby.....

The Battle With Cancer

Cancer.  It's a word that hits close to home for many of you.  Either you, your child, your parents, a close friend or a relative has battled this disease.  I walked with my dad through his battle with bone cancer, my mom has dealt with breast cancer and I've had experience with skin cancer. 

So why am I talking about cancer today? 

Because there is a man at our church that was just diagnosed with cancer and he starts some pretty hefty chemo and radiation treatments tomorrow.  I don't want to use my blog to talk about what type of cancer or what stage because I don't want to give much time to this horrible disease. 

I do want to talk about this guy and the beginning of his journey.  Tom ( not his real name) hasn't been diagnosed for very long.  Our church family has only known about it for a few weeks.  What has blown me away is the outpouring of love and support for Tom.  He always has a kind word for just about everyone and around our house, he is simply known as Game Dude since he and his wife are in charge of games for our AWANA program and VBS.  Tom is a good guy.

Cancer doesn't care what kind of a man Tom is.  Cancer doesn't care if its presence is unwelcome in his life.  It doesn't care if it kills.  It doesn't care.

But people do.  I have observed many of the people in our church reach out to Tom and his family with encouraging words, prayers, gifts, and hugs.  I know in the days and weeks to come they will continue to be a support to Tom as he travels down this unknown path. 

Tom was in church this morning and I think the enormity of the treatments that will begin tomorrow were weighing heavy on his heart.  I was playing the keyboard for worship team this morning and when I'm onstage- I get to see things most of the congregation doesn't get to.  He came up front and sat beside our pastor.  They sat side by side and our pastor hugged him and prayed for him.  Next, our youth pastor came and sat on Tom's other side and put his arm around him.  There were tears on their faces and on most of the worship team as we watched this unfold. 

When one of the teens that means alot to Tom came up and sat by him- that was when I lost it.  I wished the rest of the church could have seen the love and pain on each of their faces.  Somehow I kept playing and when the song ended we had an opportunity to gather around Tom and pray for him.  Each person spoke out their prayers as they put a hand on him or reached out to him.  It was a very intense and humbling moment. 

When we played the last song in the service, Tom was still in the front row with his hand raised in the air, worshipping God.  Tom could question God and ask "Why me?"  but instead chose to give praise to the One who created everything. 

This warrior of a man has quite the battle in front of him.  The awsome thing is that he does not go into this battle by himself.  He has the Ultimate Warrior going ahead of him and the support of all of his church warriors and friends. 

I know that Tom wants this battle with cancer to reach those that may not know about the God he serves.  I know that he wants this journey to be a testimony of what it means when you take that first step and share your life with others. 

The question that is on my mind today is this.  Who do you know that is battling cancer?  Who could use a word of encouragement, a card, or a hot meal?  How can you make a difference in the life of someone else?  Who could you pray for today? 

I usually have a song to sum up my posts and the one I chose for this was "Frontline" by Pillar.  It's such a great battle song and it never fails to encourage me.  So for Tom and all you cancer warriors out there- raise your fists and let me hear your battle cry! 

Cancer?  Watch out......