Long Time No See!

I realized that it's been a year since I've blogged about writing.  So to update:

I finished my first YA Fantasy book in November of last year and began the edits in January.

I didn't get too far with the edits and ended up writing bits and pieces of other parts of the series or character sketches, or pretty much anything that would keep me away from editing OR writing the second book in the series. 

I had surgery in April- which gave me some much needed rest and time to begin to dream about my story again.

I made the commitment to do the National Novel Writing Month, this month and so far have almost 30,000 words toward a goal of 50,000. 

One big thing that doing NaNoWiMo is that my butt in in my chair every day.  I am down in my Dungeon (writing room) each day and it is slowly becoming a habit to go down early each morning at 5am and pound out the word count. 

It doesn't sound glamorous and it's NOT.  But it is assisting me in getting back to my story and to not only dream, but to do the work that makes the dream real. 

One of the cool parts of writing so much in a month is that I have fallen in love with my series again and am excited to find out more by writing it down.  I'm also stoked to see some of my fellow writers get a high word count and see their goals become reality too!

I need to get back at it down in my Dungeon, but I wanted to update all of you who haven't heard from me in a year.  I promise that in December I will be back with how NaNo ended up and how many words I really wrote. 

Until then- dream big and then work hard to make them come true! 

Getting Near "The End"

It's been months since I have taken the time to update my blog.  With the adventure of Home school in full swing, and trying to finish my first novel- I haven't had much time to blog about everything. 

After four years of world building, character building and creating all the twists and turns of my high adventure fantasy story, it looks like the first book in the series is almost finished. 

I know some of you will say, "It's about time!"  And I agree with that.  When I tell people I am working on my first book, what I have actually been doing is creating an entirely unique- yet familiar place to call my own.  It has taken time to get to know my characters and the places they live.  I have imagined each dragon and know their color, personality, and who their Rider is.  My three main characters and several minor characters I know so well that I could fill out detailed questionnaires on each one.  I have play lists on my ipod for things like "Dragons"  "Afton- Warrior Girl" and "Fighting Music". 

As I near the end of this first book- which is still not officially titled yet- I realize that I am going to be one of an elite group of writers.....one that actually finishes the book. 

It's a big deal.

Putting "The End"  at the bottom of my manuscript means:

1- That my dad was right.  He always knew I could write a book (he always said I would write several) and it was the one thing he made me promise him I would do.  He's been gone for 13 years and I am dedicating this first book to him.  After all, he heard the dragon wings long before I did.

2-  That my first book is finished and I can begin the second one.  I cannot leave my characters where they are and that means I need to get going on the next one!

3-  That I took a risk and it paid off.  Once I realized I wanted to do this- I began telling people about it, blogging about it, etc.  All of you who ask me how things are going have kept me accountable and motivated.  I wouldn't be here without you.

4- Tosca Lee, one of the authors at "The Ragged Edge" told us to finish the book.  Finishing the book means I did what I promised I would do that last day of the writer's conference.

5-  I will enter the world of editing!  Yay.

6-  My prayers for an editor, agent, and publisher will become more frequent and I will have to be very focused on this part of my goal. 

7- I will be getting a raven tattoo.  The book wouldn't be what it is without my raven, Remi. 

It's amazing that two short words carry so much meaning for an author.  But "The End" means so much more than those two words. 

Don't look for many blogs in the next few weeks.  My goal is to finish the book by the end of this month.  I am working hard to make that happen.  I will happily share when I finally type "The End", because as I mentioned earlier, I have not made this journey alone. 

The video I have chosen today is "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons.  The imagery of the video is like my journey with this book.  I feel as if I have trekked across a wasteland of stuff to get to the 'seed' of the story.  Once I was brave enough to plant it in the ground; it blew me away and I will NEVER be the same!  And that's a good thing.

As I get near "The End" I realize that it might be cliche, but this end is really just the beginning of a new chapter of my story. 

And how cool is that?

Life With Autism: It's All About Love

My daughter was diagnosed with a form of autism a few months ago.  She has struggled with things her entire life and once we connected the dots we saw a specialist and she was tested.  We are slowly learning how to help her so that she can help herself.

It isn't easy. 

K has sensory issues which means that something like putting on jeans is a battle.  She doesn't like the feel of the button or the jean material.  She talks very loud but hates loud sounds.  She thrives on schedules and does much better when she knows what is happening next.  When something bothers her, she tends to yell or scream which only makes things worse.  If someone tries to deal with her and gets angry too, it continues to make it almost unbearable. 

It breaks my heart when I see her struggling.  When I look into her eyes and see the panic and try to reach her so she knows she is safe.  She is okay. 

I know that 10 year-olds don't pitch the kind of fits that she does, and she knows it too.  And she tries.  I watch her as she attempts to not have a meltdown.  I watch her as she does everything in her power to gain the upper hand over the emotions. 

I see what others don't. 

My parenting skills have come into question more times than I can ever begin to count.  People must think I am deaf or blind to not hear the comments or to see the eye-rolls.  But my hearing is great and so is my sight.  Believe me, I have questioned my parenting skills.  Probably more than most because my child is not an introvert and she is not quiet.  My daughter does not go unnoticed.  Pair that with the fact that she is taller than most 13 year olds and K is the perfect target for other parents. 

And that makes me mad.  PDD-NOS  is not an easy diagnosis.  It's basically a form of Autism that may or may not be like other forms.  Some kids have a few of the symptoms or just a couple that are very pronounced.  K's is she needs structure and she tends to act out aggressively when she feels "out of control".  She also struggles with anxiety- which does not help. 

But she looks normal.  So people become uncomfortable when this beautiful girl suddenly screams and cries and throws a fit like a toddler.  Usually we can trace it to things like sudden change, someone yelling at her, fatigue or big events.  We know that.  But others may not.

I have to mention the small group of friends that our family has.  They have been so wonderful and have helped encourage our family as we journey through this.  We have taught them what we have learned and try to communicate how best to help K.  They don't judge or eye-roll or get angry when K screams and flails around.  They help her with her coping skills and are quick with encouragement and slow to criticize.  They love her. 

And that's the bottom line.  Love.

I just felt today that I needed to share my struggle with my daughter's PDD-NOS and how it affects my family.  How we are doing everything under the sun to help K.  How with lots of love and patience she will learn to not only live with this disorder, but to live a full, vibrant life. 

"Love never gives up.  Love cares for others more than for self."  1 Cor. 13:5 (Message)

"Be brave, be strong.  Don't give up."  Psalm 31:24 a (Message)

I know there are those of you who are struggling with issues that your children have.  My best advice to you is:  Don't give up.
                 Be strong even when others criticize.
                  Love them like crazy!

I end this post with the song that always reminds me of my love for my darling daughter.  Billy Joel's Lullaby.....

The Battle With Cancer

Cancer.  It's a word that hits close to home for many of you.  Either you, your child, your parents, a close friend or a relative has battled this disease.  I walked with my dad through his battle with bone cancer, my mom has dealt with breast cancer and I've had experience with skin cancer. 

So why am I talking about cancer today? 

Because there is a man at our church that was just diagnosed with cancer and he starts some pretty hefty chemo and radiation treatments tomorrow.  I don't want to use my blog to talk about what type of cancer or what stage because I don't want to give much time to this horrible disease. 

I do want to talk about this guy and the beginning of his journey.  Tom ( not his real name) hasn't been diagnosed for very long.  Our church family has only known about it for a few weeks.  What has blown me away is the outpouring of love and support for Tom.  He always has a kind word for just about everyone and around our house, he is simply known as Game Dude since he and his wife are in charge of games for our AWANA program and VBS.  Tom is a good guy.

Cancer doesn't care what kind of a man Tom is.  Cancer doesn't care if its presence is unwelcome in his life.  It doesn't care if it kills.  It doesn't care.

But people do.  I have observed many of the people in our church reach out to Tom and his family with encouraging words, prayers, gifts, and hugs.  I know in the days and weeks to come they will continue to be a support to Tom as he travels down this unknown path. 

Tom was in church this morning and I think the enormity of the treatments that will begin tomorrow were weighing heavy on his heart.  I was playing the keyboard for worship team this morning and when I'm onstage- I get to see things most of the congregation doesn't get to.  He came up front and sat beside our pastor.  They sat side by side and our pastor hugged him and prayed for him.  Next, our youth pastor came and sat on Tom's other side and put his arm around him.  There were tears on their faces and on most of the worship team as we watched this unfold. 

When one of the teens that means alot to Tom came up and sat by him- that was when I lost it.  I wished the rest of the church could have seen the love and pain on each of their faces.  Somehow I kept playing and when the song ended we had an opportunity to gather around Tom and pray for him.  Each person spoke out their prayers as they put a hand on him or reached out to him.  It was a very intense and humbling moment. 

When we played the last song in the service, Tom was still in the front row with his hand raised in the air, worshipping God.  Tom could question God and ask "Why me?"  but instead chose to give praise to the One who created everything. 

This warrior of a man has quite the battle in front of him.  The awsome thing is that he does not go into this battle by himself.  He has the Ultimate Warrior going ahead of him and the support of all of his church warriors and friends. 

I know that Tom wants this battle with cancer to reach those that may not know about the God he serves.  I know that he wants this journey to be a testimony of what it means when you take that first step and share your life with others. 

The question that is on my mind today is this.  Who do you know that is battling cancer?  Who could use a word of encouragement, a card, or a hot meal?  How can you make a difference in the life of someone else?  Who could you pray for today? 

I usually have a song to sum up my posts and the one I chose for this was "Frontline" by Pillar.  It's such a great battle song and it never fails to encourage me.  So for Tom and all you cancer warriors out there- raise your fists and let me hear your battle cry! 

Cancer?  Watch out......

Lessons From a Broken Arm Part 1

My son, Ian, broke his left arm last Thursday night on our swingset.  It's the first broken anything either of my kids have had.  Honestly, those of you who know my son- it's a miracle that he didn't break a bone before now.  In his six years of life he has had many near misses so I knew that sooner or later he would break something.

I could tell by his scream that something was wrong.  He usually doesn't cry for a long time and this scream sounded different.  After we got him in the house and looked at the arm, we knew that the big lump that was near his wrist was not supposed to be there.  I had some of my friends that had come over for a Girls Night Out and they all had suggestions for what we should do.

I knew what I had to do.  My son was hurt and he needed help.  I grabbed my keys and purse and Ian's blankie and his stuffed dog Bandit.  Rich brought a few other things and carried Ian to the van.  We drove 20 miles to the ER with Ian crying the whole way.  I tried not to speed, but I think I might have gone a mile or two over the limit.  My son was in pain and I wanted him to find relief. 

Once we got to the ER, time seemed to stand still.  Other than one or two people, no one was going back.  We were all in the waiting room.  I knew the doctors were behind the heavy double doors- but we had to wait. 

Ian did his best to be brave.  He asked "How much longer?"  every few minutes and when the pain was bad he cried.  The first hour was bearable.  The next two were hell.  Ian cried and cried and both Rich and I did what we could to help him, but we weren't doctors.  We told him that he would feel better once he saw a doctor. 

There was a moment when Ian looked at me with his big brown puppy-dog eyes and said, "It hurts Mommy!  Please take it away." 

That's a killer. In that moment I knew what it was to want to take your child's pain away. I would've changed places with him in a heartbeat if I could.  But it was his arm that was broken, not mine. 

Not that I didn't try to help.  Both Rich and I talked to the RN at the desk and kept asking how much longer it would be.  Three hours is a long time for an adult to wait- to a kid it would seem like days.  Finally they called his name and in the next hour we found out his radius was broken and he would have to have a cast when the swelling went down. 

Again- I wanted to take my son's place.  I didn't want him to have to go through the pain and discomfort. 

I wonder if that's how God feels when he sees us in pain and we have to wait? 
He has us in a place where we can get healed- but it takes time. 

I wonder what He sees in our faces when we go through "broken arm" moments.  Those moments where we try not to cry, but wonder "How much longer?"  Those trials that we think we can't hang on one more moment...

As we were heading for the van, Ian said, "I was really brave, wasn't I?"  Rich and I told him he was VERY brave.  Ian smiled and said, "I got through that hurting time cuz God and you guys helped me."  and he gave me a thumbs up. 

It was then that I realized that my son had learned a lesson that he wouldn't have learned otherwise.....



I have more musings on broken arms- but I will save that for tomorrow. 

Man Soap

Ok- so most of the time my posts are informational or emotional or whatever.  But today I must discuss a topic of utmost importance......man soap.

Yes- you read that correctly- man soap. 

My son, Ian, is six and got a cast put on his broken arm today.  He was very brave and did a great job of staying still while the doctor put the blue waterproof cast on his arm.  On the way home, his sister wanted to stop at the mall so she could go to Bath and Bodyworks so she could get some shower gel and lip gloss. 

Ian was NOT impressed.  At all.  He wandered around after me like a grouchy puppy, telling me how much he did not want to be in a girl store.  Until he saw the man soap.

He ran over to the display and yelled, "I FOUND THE MAN SOAP!"  I had no idea what he was screaming about until he pointed at the brown bottle that said "Twilight Woods- For Men".  He jumped up and down, "Look Mommy!  It's the vampire man soap that Daddy uses!" 

I tried not to laugh as I explained that it was soap for men- Daddy did use the Twilight soap but it was not vampire soap.  He said he wanted to smell some of the other man soaps so he did and he loved the Ocean scent.  He proceeded to tell me that he had been so brave getting his cast on and could I please buy him some Man Soap because he had been strong like a man? 

I looked into those big brown eyes- and I lost it!  I began to laugh until my sides hurt.  I honestly tried not to- but it was so funny to me!  Ian laughed too, but asked again if he could have some man soap. 

It just so happens that the man soap was $3 a bottle- so Ian got two Ocean man soaps. 

He was so proud as he put his soap on the counter.  "This is my MAN SOAP!"  He told the clerk.
She asked him why he called it that.  "Because my Daddy uses it so he can smell like a man!" 

Of course he had to have his own bag for his man soap, which he carried out through the store and into the mall.  He went on and on about his man soap and when I made a quick call to a friend on my cell phone he reminded me to tell her about his blue man soap. 

He told everyone at Steak and Shake about his man soap.  And his best friend Liam. 
Now Liam wants man soap but because he has skin issues- he can't use it. 

When Rich came home from work, Ian told him all about the man soap. 

Rich laughed, but I think it's one of those things where you had to be there to really appreciate the hilarity of it all. 

Guess who used his Ocean scented man soap in his bath tonight? 
Come on...I'll bet you'll never guess......

Dangerous Questions

Monday I had gotten word that one of my students from last year lost his dad.  At 32, he had a massive heart attack, wrecked the car he was in and it went up in flames.  When I heard the news I thought it had to be a joke.  It had to be.

But with just a few keystrokes I was looking at an obituary that confirmed what I had been told. 

Later, I had many more phone calls telling me of the sad news.  After trying to reach the student (I'll call him John- not his real name) I was able to find a phone number where he could be reached.  "Mrs. P?  I have to tell you something, my dad is dead."  I told him I knew that and prayed that somehow I would have the words to comfort him.  He told me that he wanted me to be at the funeral the next day and I said that I was already planning on it.  We hung up and I went to bed with my head full of questions.

Why did John's dad have to die?

Why did this have to happen?

Why is John an orphan?

Yes- John is now an orphan.  His mother died a few years ago and he lives with his grandmother, who is wonderful lady and is doing a great job of taking care of John.  But at 13, John no longer has either of his parents. 

God is not a stranger to my hard questions and He was barraged with them Monday night and Tuesday morning.  Notice that all of my questions begin with the word 'why'.  I am always wanting to know why something happens or why someone does something.  Maybe it's the writer in me that wants to take a situation and resolve it.  I want answers. 

I didn't know exactly what I was going to say to John Tuesday morning, so I got up early and decided to write him a note.  Those of you that know me will not be surprised in the least to learn that my note turned into a 3 page letter- front and back.  The words came pouring out of me and I went with it.  I'm a writer- it's what I do. 

One of the things that I told him was that God was bigger than all of our questions.  That He can handle the whys, and the anger and the hurt.  That rather than seeking out other things, seek Him. 

How do I know that?  Beacuse I have asked the dangerous questions.  The ones that might seem irreverent.  The ones that some people wouldn't ask God becasue they think He might not like to hear them.  I have screamed at God and demanded to know why.  I have cried out to Him when there were no words I could say. 

RED has a song called "Let it Burn" that asks some of the same dangerous questions that I have asked. 

"Where were you when our hearts were bleeding?"
"How long will you hide your face?"
"Is your world just a broken promise?"
"Is your love just a drop of rain?"
"Are you still there?"
"Will you just let it all burn down?"

I believe that God loves it when we come to Him with the whys and the hows and the screams.  He can take the dangerous questions. 

Psalm 46:1-2 (Message) "God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.  We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake.  Before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains."

My take on this is that if we are going to God with questions- we are still going to God. He is our safe place.  I figure the God of the universe can handle my questions.  Then no matter what happens, He gives us His strength to stand on the cliff of doom and be courageous in an earthquake. 

I give God my questions and He gives me His Peace. 

Gotta love that trade-off! 

I had His Peace as I walked into that funeral home where John was sitting and waiting for the funeral to start.  He gave me Peace as I was able to pray with John and hug him and give him a small gift.  He was there through the service and afterwards.  I know He was there when John watched the casket being lowered into the ground and I know He is going to give His Peace to John in the days and weeks to come. 

And when John asks the dangerous questions- God will be there.  Patient. Loving. Understanding.

I told John in my letter that God is the Father to the Fatherless, because I lost my own father.  Becasue I have asked the hard questions.  Because I know the truth in that.  And John knows that because he heard me talk about it a thousand times last year in class.  He knows. 

My prayer for John and for anyone else who has a thousand "whys" is that you bring them to God.  Even if they are screamed, or cried or whispered.  Know that the God that created everything will hear your desperate whys.  And in exchange for your questions, He will give you His Peace. 

"Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times."  Psalm 91:15 (Message)

Here is a video of RED's "Let It Burn".  May it inspire you to ask the dangerous questions....